____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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