It was confusing and full of hummus
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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