I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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