Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
