bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
