She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
