Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
