i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
