O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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