this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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