you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
