Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
