I think I died a long time ago.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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