The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize