1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
