Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
