woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize