I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
