never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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