three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
