don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This house was built for laser tag.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
