Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
