i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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