Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
