why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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