Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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