Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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