And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
