I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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