The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i think i just lost a toe
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
