i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize