I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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