We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
