Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
