Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
