Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
