at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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