wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
