even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
