Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
