I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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