no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
