You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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