my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
