Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
