How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she told me i tasted like america
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
