If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i dont even know how to be here
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
