Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
