Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
