Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
