i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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