I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
