I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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