I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
