I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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