if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
