She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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