two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
