i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
