Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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