At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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