I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
