help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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