thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
