His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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