On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?