Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers