so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
