holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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