is your mom at the bar?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
