Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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