He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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