why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
